SELF-CONFIDENCE
Speaking purely from a disability point of view, it has been my experience to believe that everyone, given the opportunity, can give back to the community. Not enough credit is given to the ‘human spirit’ and it is definitely not encouraged. I find too many people are willing to take the opinion of doctors as the word of God. They are not God – they are human beings just like you and me, with all the foibles of ‘mere humans’. Socrates – believed the way to acquire self-confidence was to sort out what we really believe. Unlike Socrates, I am not willing to die for my beliefs. I’m quite happy to be proven wrong.
Please, you know what is right; don’t be coerced or bullied into doing something you know is wrong. Have the confidence in yourself to stand up for your beliefs. Nothing is more admirable than a person who stands up for what is right and ethical. Be proud of you - the individual.
What you see is what you get. I can’t hide behind make- up or a hairstyle. I can’t hide the fact I have a wheelchair. My disability is rather obvious. The wheelchair is a bit of a give-away. Although, at times, I have felt completely naked and vulnerable. I have had to develop self-confidence in order to survive.
I had an internal dialogue telling me I was a non-human, fat cripple and much, much more. In order to gain self-confidence I had to change what was going on in my mind. Change the conversation. I had to stop blaming my predicament and other people. I needed to take my power back.
Gaining self-confidence was something that didn’t occur overnight. Just small successes that happened along the way were like building blocks. Then bit by bit over time I gained confidence. I have also reached that delightful age and stage in life where I cannot or will not worry about what people think of me. I say it as I see it and people are starting to respect my thoughts and views. I now have a voice. I have learnt to speak again and I don’t hesitate to be heard.
Develop confidence in yourself, realise that you don’t need someone in order to believe in what you are doing. Sure, it is nice to have someone by your side but it is not necessary. Unfortunately I question why they wish to be involved with me. There are times when I feel it would be good to be able to share with another like-minded individual. I’m not totally that hard and tough.
I believe I have the ultimate partner – my wheelchair. For a start it is useful, it doesn’t say anything, I always have a seat and it supports my needs. What more do I need!
To start developing self-confidence I would like to recommend attending a place where you are likely to be accepted. I started spending my Saturday mornings in October 2003 at the Northey Street Markets (City Farm Markets) in Windsor, an inner city suburb in Brisbane. It was here I was accepted by folk who saw past my disabilities. Sure, my wheelchair was a little tricky to go over the rough terrain, but that was soon forgotten with some organic coffee and spelt biscuits. I nicknamed this group as the ‘Chook Pen’. I thoroughly enjoyed ‘hanging out’ with like-minded people. Within this group are the most amazing people, who, each and every one of them has so much to offer, whether it is music, craft or they are from a different country.
Even the stall holders are warm and welcoming people. All these folk have such an ethical view of the world.
Come rain, hail and shine we all make it to the markets for a weekly dose of goodwill and love.
Or start with your favourite coffee place – one of my favourite coffee spots is Garden World Nursery in Carseldine in Brisbane. I introduced myself and got to know the staff by name. I now have no problem with going by myself because I made friends with the people who work there. I quite often go there on my own for some peace and quiet, to watch people and gain some inspiration.
I have also got to know Melange Café in the Roma Street Gardens in Brisbane. It was nice to be recognised and made to feel welcome. It is truly a beautiful place. Melange Café is open- air with just a roof over giving shade in the summer and during winter they have heaters and blankets to keep you snug. They do a magnificent breakfast, it makes for a great start for the day.
Another place I found fabulous for building self- confidence is The Powerhouse in New Farm, Brisbane. I listen to the ABC radio and this particular morning I heard an interview with the comedian Max Gillies. I thought to myself I’d like to go and see him perform, so I rang The Powerhouse to book a ticket. There were no matinee seats available but I could get a ticket for the evening. I told the girl who organised the ticket of my needs and she said she would make sure I was looked after. It was my first time to go to the theatre on my own. My taxi driver took to me up to the entrance and pushed me inside. The usher saw me and said ‘You must be Meriel’. Everyone in the foyer turned and looked to see who this person was. I felt really special and included. I required some assistance and asked for help. I would like to say thank you to everyone at The Powerhouse for including me.
To give another example of my repertoire - I thoroughly enjoy going to the famous Breakfast Creek Hotel for a steak and a beer ‘off the wood’. Again, the staff are helpful and welcoming.
Go out to the theatre and see a ballet or play. Being a person with disabilities doesn’t mean you life as you knew it has ended – it has just changed. Participate in enjoying life.
I’m sure there are hundreds of places in your environment. Get out and explore your community. You’ll be pleasantly surprised.
Consider volunteering, give back to the community. I became involved in my local council and raised issues facing the disabled. I was given the gift of being a person with disabilities and I’m not going to waste the opportunity of being able to raise the profile of other people with disabilities.
Last but no means least, I would like to acknowledge the taxi drivers who have helped me to develop self-confidence to grow into the person I am now. Without their encouragement, I would not have tackled half the things I do. In their getting to know me and I them, certainly gave me fodder for this book. I can’t impress enough the importance of treating them with respect. You’ll be amazed at how much further you’ll get in life when you start living a life that is open and full of love.
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